The Dream Team

One of my coworkers recently had surgery at our hospital. Since it was a scheduled procedure, he took the time to request specific people in his room. In addition to choosing his surgeon, he was able to dictate who he wanted to scrub, circulate, and run anesthesia during his case. I thought it was super cool that our manager and charge nurse made the special effort to accommodate his requests. I will admit to being secretly a little jealous that I wasn’t picked, but then again-I am the new kid. (Update! As of today, I am no longer the new kid. SCORE!)

I got to thinking about whom I’d pick if I needed surgery done. I thought it’d be a super easy decision, but the more I thought about it, the harder it got. There are so many different things to take into consideration when choosing your “surgical dream team.”

First, you have to consider your procedure. While most techs are well versed in several specialties, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. (Lord knows I wouldn’t put myself in the room if I ever needed cardiac surgery. Nope, nope, nope…) While there are quite a few techs at my facility who are geniuses at joint replacements, but there are only one or two that I’d trust to fix my nose. Since we have so many skilled people for ortho, I have to start taking other elements into consideration:

• Which techs like/hate scrubbing the surgery I’m having? Even if they’re good at it, if they hate doing the procedure, I don’t want them standing around watching the clock and letting their mind wander off while someone is cutting me open. Not cool bro.

• Who works best with my surgeon? I might love a specific tech, but if my surgeon hates them I don’t want them in the room. The last thing I need is the surgeon being crabby and off his game because I picked a Chatty Cathy to be my scrub and he doesn’t like conversation. I’d rather pick someone else who compliments the surgeon’s personality and enhances the cooperation and teamwork in the room. EVERYONE WINS!

Second, you have to address something I find a little awkward. Namely, who do you least mind seeing you naked? I get it. We’re all professionals. We see naked people constantly (probably more than we really want to). The difference is, at the end of the day there’s a slim chance that we’ll see our patients out in the real world. If one of my coworkers sees me naked, they still have to see me every day and once you see someone naked, you can’t unsee it! It’s just weird to me. In my life, there’s a certain level of intimacy you have with people you know. Outside of work, if someone sees you naked that generally ratchets up the intimacy level at least a little. It’s about trust and privacy and while I would rather be operated on by people I know, maybe I don’t want any of my coworkers knowing that I have a mole on my butt shaped like Matthew McConaughey. (Great. Now everyone knows!)

To take this one step further, you have to consider the question, “Who do I not mind seeing/touching my junk.” We have some fantastic male nurses and techs at my hospital. They are smart and patient-focused. Yet…I can’t pretend that it wouldn’t freak me out if they saw my vagina. I mean, hospital or not, my lady-garden isn’t open to the public. It’s like one of those fancy clubs in the city where attractive women get past the velvet rope, but guys have to wait outside in the cold and pay a cover charge. Yeah, it sounds immature and maybe unprofessional but having a guy I know (who isn’t my husband) spending any time near my hoo-ha is not something I’m cool with.

Lastly, you have to consider whom you want as your CRNA. Do you want someone who is known to be liberal with the Versed? (yup.) Do you want someone who diligently watches your oxygen saturation, heart rate, and blood pressure instead of trying to beat the next level of Candy Crush before the surgery is over? (double yup.) The trick with CRNA’s is that you have to prioritize your wants. I knew one that would give you enough versed to make you forget not only the surgery, but the entire week afterward, but she also like to wake people up by yelling directly into their ear. Another CRNA would wake you up gently with his soft, soothing, actually kind of sexy voice (swoon!), but he was notorious for being stingy on medications (sedatives, anti-emetics, paralyzing agents…you name it.) Personally, I’d take the rude wake-up call over under-dosed pain meds any day of the week. Heck, not like you’re going to remember waking up anyway.

In the end, choosing who you want to be a part of your operative team can be a tough decision. Ultimately, while there are people I trust more than others, I still have confidence that anyone of my coworkers would do a fantastic job taking care of me during surgery. On the flip side, if you don’t feel like there’s anyone on your team that you’d trust to take care of you, then WHY are you working there? Seriously? As competent as they are, my biggest hope is that I stay healthy and accident-free so they never have to see me on one of our OR tables.

Until next time, stay sterile.