McScreamy-The doctors they didn't show you on Grey's Anatomy
There is a common stereotype that surgeons are jerks. Somehow when the writers of Grey's Anatomy got together they came to the conclusion that people didn't want to watch surgeons being jerks-not even HOT surgeons. This resulted in a particularly crabby cross-section of the medical community not being portrayed on show. Some days, I see my surgery assignment and curse the fact that I can't get away with wearing earplugs without my moody surgeon noticing. On those days, I wish with all my heart that the producers of Grey's could do a quick rewrite (a minor attitude adjustment if you will) of the main character in my room, Dr. CrabbyPants.
Contrary to popular belief, the jerk-to-nice surgeon ratio falls deeply in favor of the "nice" side (at least in my OR). Of course, the stereotype wouldn't exist if there weren’t a certain faction of surgeons that (for whatever reason) find it necessary to be downright rotten human beings. There are several types of "surgeons behaving badly."
The first, and most irritating type of Dr. CrabAss is: Dr. “I am perpetually angry and screamy regardless of how my day/case is going”. These folks are angry for the sake of angry. The negativity of these docs permeates the entire OR and you’ll try anything to dispel it. I’ve tried humor. I’ve tried being ridiculously friendly. I’ve tried being respectful, accommodating, polite, interested, and just plain invisible. NOTHING WORKS. As someone who genuinely likes to see people happy and successful, this doctor infuriates me. I fear that they are one tantrum away from a brain aneurysm and considering that I don't do neuro cases, I can only hope there's a neuro tech available to take over my room when that inevitable day comes.
The second type of Dr. Crabs-A-Lot is: Dr. “Jekyll-&-Hyde syndrome”. These doc’s moods swing wildly between "I love you. You're my BFF" and "I hate you and everything within a 50 mile radius." Trouble is, you never know which doctor is going to show up. Some doctors can't even make it through a single case on the same personality wavelength. One day, my surgeon walked in laughing and telling jokes. He went out to scrub, then came back in and promptly started screaming at us about starting late. (I might mention, we had been ready to go 10 minutes ahead of schedule and he was the last one to show up.) Try as I might, I can't seem to recognize any patterns of what causes these swings. For my own protection, I've found the best method to working harmoniously with these folks is to fly under the radar. Give them what they ask for and remain as invisible as humanly possible.
The third type of Dr. Crab-Alaba-Ding-Dong is: Dr. “I react poorly when things aren't going well”. Some cases just suck. Your laparoscopes are perpetually smudgy. The patient's anatomy looks like that M.C. Escher drawing of the stairs going in every direction so you can't tell which way is up. You hit a bleeder or nick bowel. Shit happens (sometimes literally, but that's a whole different blog post). Yelling, screaming, and throwing instruments, regardless of how gratifying it might feel, is not going to help you or your patient. Yes, these surgeons are prone to throwing instruments. Fortunately, I've only had one intentionally throw something and he did it relatively gently before stomping away from the field to throw a fit. I pulled some crazy tech ninja move and managed to grab the instrument before it slid off of the drape and onto the floor. Once he'd cooled off, he came back, said "Good catch" and went back to work like nothing had happened *sigh* Had he broken that instrument which costs more than I make in 3 months because he felt the need to act like a 5-year-old, we would have had words. My best advice for handling these surgeons: work on catching flies out of the air like the Karate Kid. It comes in handy.
Overall, I love my surgeons. Even some of the docs who fall into the Dr. CrabbyPants categories have their endearing qualities. When you work with them long enough, you start to think of your docs as family. The screamy general surgeon is your cantankerous old uncle. You can almost picture him yelling, “Damn it you kids. GET OFF MY LAWN!” The goofy colorectal surgeons are your crazy cousins, constantly joking and picking on each other. Like a family, all you can do is accept them for who they are, support them the best you can, and work together to help make each other better.
In surgery, it takes all types of people and professionals working together to help patients get better. With that in mind, I sort of feel like Grey’s Anatomy missed the boat by not including the McScreamys of the world. By excluding them, they lost an entire dimension of personality and drama in their fake little surgery show. And Lord knows, my McScreamys would give McSteamy and McDreamy a run for their money.
